I Can’t Do It!!!

Five minutes left before I’m late for work and once again I’m tangled up in the cord of my curling iron. I have always struggled with coordinating the direction my arms need to turn based on what I’m seeing in the mirror. Perhaps that’s why my mother put my hair in curlers for me until I went away to college. (Not a pleasant thing to admit). The final alarm {of about 15 I have set from 6am to 7:50am} goes off and I shout,

“I CAN’T DO THIS!”

Staring at the computer screen, trying to make sense out of the fact I just lost half of all I was working on in an attempt to sync it all into some ‘cloud’ somewhere that can hold my information; keeping it safe and separate from everyone else’s and at the same time not losing it. But it’s lost. Gone. Fists clenched, craving so badly to smack the monitor but instead I just scream,

“I CAN’T DO THIS!”

Looking at my sewing machine like it’s another appendage of my body and wondering why it will not obey my wishes. Why is the seam not as straight as I intended it to be? Why does my project not look like the picture? Why do I make everything so complicated? What happened to simply following from 1 through 10 and ending up with a masterpiece? What am I doing wrong? Tossing the instructions one direction and the project another, pins flying all over, I stomp out of my sewing room shouting,

“I CAN’T DO THIS!”

On my knees. Gratefully I itemize all the gifts and talents I’ve been blessed with but now… now I need to explain to my Father in Heaven about how I wandered through my day; trying to stay the course but just not quite making it. Tell me, how do I reach out to a struggling child? Why does it hurt so much? What part is mine? Decisions that appear to come so easy for others trip me up multiple times a day. What is wrong with me? I beg for mercy and forgiveness. Tears streaming through the tender crevices of my heart and pouring out over my cheeks and I whisper,

“I CAN’T DO THIS!”

The words come in the quiet that descends after I’ve finished my little pity party and my head is resting on my wet pillow.

“YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW. YET.”

I must be gentler with myself. I do not know all things but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn.

My mother’s words echo, “Learn something new every day”.

Instead of my angry cries of, “I CAN’T DO THIS”; I will try instead a more humble approach:

“TEACH ME HOW TO DO THIS!”

And then I will listen. And then I will learn. And then I will do.

, , ,

Post navigation

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *